I’m turning into an old woman…

I’m teaching myself how to crochet. I decided I needed a hobby. Beverly (the woman I was staying with in Texas after the separation) encouraged me to find a hobby. Something just for me. I realized she was right. I haven’t had a hobby since high school. In fact, after I met Joel I realized that I had basically given up all of my own interests. I was completely consumed by trying to keep him happy all the time and hold everything together.

I couldn’t even think of what I would want to do. I used to like bowling, but I’m afraid there are too many uncomfortable memories of that time in my life that would be connected to it. I don’t really want to go there.

I’ve been reading a lot more lately which is good, but I wanted something else. Something productive. And after a few months of watching Beverly crochet… watching the needlework shows on PBS with her… and seeing some things you can do with crochet that are really cool, I decided to give it a shot.

So I started this weekend. Yesterday when it finally clicked and I really started to get the hang of it, I sat for hours with the stuff. And it was so nice to have something I really had to concentrate on. If I let my mind wander and don’t pay attention, I make mistakes.

And that is exactly what I need right now. Something to keep me from replaying the last 7 years over and over in my mind… Wondering what I should have done differently… Dwelling on how hurt I have been… Feeling angry about the way things turned out… Reminding myself that they were all consequences of choices I made… Mostly just feeling sorry for myself.

So anyway…I’m turning into an old woman. If anyone needs an afghan let me know… I’ll be over here with my ball of yarn.