guns and tractors

On Saturday I went and did a little target practice with my dad. Nothing special…just plinked at some pop cans, but it’s always a fun bonding experience with my dad. And I know it means a lot to him to get to share it with me…my brother doesn’t really care anything about guns.

So as I’m getting my little refresher course on the particular gun I am shooting, and in gun safety in general, I am suddenly struck by how comfortable I am at that particular moment. I pondered this for a bit, and shared with my dad some of my thoughts. I realized that I really enjoyed the little bit of shooting that we did. I didn’t feel pressured to do something I was uncomfortable with, and I felt completely safe.

I thought about the last time I went shooting with my dad, how I felt the same way. Then I thought about the rest of my experiences with guns…how I’ve been pressured to things I didn’t want to do. How I’ve been fearful in situations where I didn’t feel safe. It was just such a stark contrast, and I wondered at the extreme difference in the situations. I thought about this more throughout the weekend.

On Sunday, my dad taught me how to drive the tractor. It was tons of fun! Yesterday we went out with it again, and I helped him move some stuff and cut down a couple trees. Once again I found myself contemplating how something that seemed so simple could be so enjoyable. It was so fun to learn something new. It felt so good to have someone be confident enough in my abilities to trust me with such a task. I tried to remember what other times I had enjoyed similar experiences.

Funny enough most of them were times spent with my dad. Going fishing with him as a little girl…learning how to drive a car…learning how to drive a stick… The experiences this weekend shooting and driving the tractor were just a couple more to add to the list.

I felt a little sad, because looking back, I feel like there were opportunities over the last few years I missed out on, because I didn’t feel comfortable and safe. Or because another person didn’t have enough confidence in me to trust me to try something new. Then I felt grateful that in those moments of fear for my safety, God protected me.

The long and short of it is…I’m so excited about the future. The more I look around, the more I am experiencing life again. I’m gaining confidence in myself again, and I feel like I can do anything. Nothing can hold me back.

Can’t wait to see what new experience I’ll have tomorrow!